Why Dakta Green and the Daktory Three should be found innocent of any crime.

The slang saying goes, "No Victim, No Crime. Cannabis use in New Zealand in this year of 2015 should not be a crime. I caught Dakta Green in an unguarded moment and I was shocked to see his usual confidence missing. The thought of going to jail is not a pleasant one for a 60'something. Nor is Dakta Green's fiance Gizi doing well. She already went to jail for 9 weeks on an illegal search and arrest. She made bail and has been compliant the whole time. Dakta Green and his partner can no longer reside in their building nor can they operate their cannabis club. As a person who often visited the Daktory to gather research I was able to complete my Post graduate study in health science and write about cannabis clubs in Holland and around the world. I also can speak with authority using my notes gained from observational visits to the daktory. The first thing you noticed about the Daktory, was the cavernous size of the old automotive warehouse and the smell of cannabis. I was still living in Christchurch completing a post graduate degree in health studies. I worked at an addiction treatment centre but my independent study topic was cannabis use in New Zealand. I met Dakta Green in 2006 at a norml function or AGM and then was fascinated by the daktory idea. The Daktory took on board the same set of safety rules that dutch cannabis cafes used. small size of baggie only. set price per gram 5 gram max No alcohol or other drugs R 18. I think having a better cafe and regular employment for staff, with a better standard of presentation and customers bringing their own is probably the only model that New Zealand can expect to see for a few years if the court punishes Dakta Green for running a safe alternative to drinking. New Lynn is a suburb located in the west where very strict alcohol restrictions apply. The Portage Licenicing trust control the supply of alcohol and alcohol is not sold in super markets , there are very few bars and all the bottle stores are part of a chain. Young people typically pre-load in Avondale, New lynn, Henderson and Te Atatu before racing down the motor way into the city. The Daktory grew and as it grew in popularity I never saw any violence. With no alcohol consumed in the Daktory or sold at the Daktory no drunks were admitted either. There was a range of drinks and snacks for sale and the people were happy to buy lollies and talk and play pool . It was a safe environment and as a female it was a safe environment free from drunken sexual leering or banter. Usually it was quiet enough to have a conversation although there were dj's sometimes and also movie nights. I don't know what the Judge is thinking or how he will react. I know that Dakta Green has an excellent lawyer. I wasn't able to be in Auckland last week or come to court to show my support. I heard that many else thought that their solidarity would be done by someone else. I think all the people that visited the Daktory and saw the what the future of cannabis clubs look like, need to jog that memory and pay your respects to Dakta Green next week as he sits in court. Dakta Green has been a unique and passionate advocate for cannabis law reform in his own steadfast and committed way for years. Many have supported him along the path of this journey. Two others are also in court. No one should be in court for cannabis offences because cannabis should not be an offence. The use of cannabis is legal if i take a flight West to Australia or East to California. It is only a stubborn right wing government and politicians distaste to deal with the uncomfortable through relaxing of laws surrounding drug use. It isn't only the politician who is reserved about promoting cannabis law reform. I think that the tobacco lobby and the liquor industry are against any possible product that affects their profits margins. I am certain big Pharma will not be wanting to see people stop using their prescribed meds in order to go with the way they feel using cannabis. Feelings that are demonstrated in thousands of medical studies showing that cannabis is beneficial for multiple conditions. The most common are sleeplessness and insomnia, anorexia and pain relief. Why would any just and humane society sentence an old man to prison for selling a product only adults could access and then only if they wanted to. None of the people who went to that Daktory and consumed cannabis should feel any less guilty than Dakta Green or collectively you are all guilty of his crime. Not supporting Dakta Green in court this week is selfish and mean. Dakta Green deserves a rally of unequal support. This man is a legend and equivalent to status to an all black coach. He gave the people of Auckland a club. A club to allow the safe use of cannabis and free from gangs or intimidation Dakta Green should also be noted for the Armistice tour from Waiatangi, and the small posse who protested outside Parliament with a white flag- Asking for an end to the drug war and peace. He also took the bus Mary Jane to 42 cities in New Zealnd. He gave some hope to the people of Christchurch after the second earth quake and was there, in Timaru for local man Peter Davies who grew cannabis for medicine for his wheel chair bound partner. Tracey has only recently passed a way. We held an all night vigil for them outside the court to protest this injustice. We cannot give up the fight. No patient should die waiting for cannabis and Dakta Green should not be fearing a prison sentence for his project which did only good for this community. As an AOD counsellor, I had an informal discussion with police about the people who visit the Daktory, are a lot different to those leaving bars. For one they dont urinate or vomit. they don't leave empty bottles to break or cans to pick up. They don't fight each other or make loud noises. There has never been a sexual assault. The police wouldn't confirm my explanation for a lowered crime rate. but I hope that justice is served and the beginning of the end of the war on people has begun. I hope Dakta Green walks free.

Andrew Little and Labour are wrong about cannabis

A decade ago, a group in Christchurch looked into the issue of drug testing in the work place, and in particular looked at the unfairness of the pre-employment test. A better and more accurate test to prevent injuries would be using a breatha-lyser for alcohol. Not so long ago a more broad based form of drug testing was to take place for all suitable job applicants on WINZ benefits. Again the value of this practice versus the cost and benefits of the exercise see only the tester benefiting. Failing a drug test because you have cannabis or other drugs in your system does not make you a bad employee. Cannabis is a drug that is remains in low non-active levels in the blood system for weeks. This does not mean you are impaired or stoned. It may mean you went to a party last weekend and shared a joint or it may mean you are a regular cannabis user and see it valuable for treating your illness. This is why cannabis is a health issue not a criminal issue for many medical marijuana users in New Zealand. The media is particularly bad at reporting numbers as facts where as they may show nothing. A recent coroners report found that 40% of the quad bike accidents on farms were stoned. This is untrue and cannot be claimed. What the truth is and should be reported as such, that the Coroners report showed some cannabis was present in the system. There needs to be a scale to measure what levels are indicative of use within the past 1 or 2 hours. Last nights cone before bed is not the reason the quad bike caused a death. It may be the rider was not wearing any safety gear or protective helmet. In Canada it has been unlawful to drug test workers as it does not measure impairment and is deemed an abuse of your human rights. I think to claim to be pro-work party that Labour stands for the worker, a policy such as not looking at the decriminalisation of cannabis and it's subsequent law changes is a step in the wrong direction. If you are not moving forward it's maintaining the status quo which is going backward while others move forward. As a person looking at a cannabis charge I am not feeling like a criminal or even a harm doer. My use of cannabis is my choice. As an educated drug counsellor I can describe what safe cannabis use looks like in America where it is legal. I can see no evidence why New Zealand should not develop a legal cannabis industry. When the leader of the Opposition publicly states that the Labour party will not be relaxing any cannabis laws I feel ill. It seems to me there is a lack of compassion and understanding what the rest of the world is rediscovering about the medical uses of cannabis.To be so blunt takes away the hope the a growing number of parents are needing with exemptions to the current law which prevents the use of medical marijuana. Why not allow people to use cannabis. Why not allow sick children to use cannabis for epilepsy under medical guidance? What is the point of not allowing people to grow their own cannabis if it makes them feel they achieve a greater quality of health? I for one cannot understand the position Andrew Little and the Labour Party has taken. The Aotearoa Legalise Cannabis Party and the Greens have a very big group of potential voters wanting better. We want to be patients not criminals , How can anyone not understand that?

When the odds are stacked against you. Don't quit.

I confess to be overwhelmed. In the past month I have suffered a horrendous amount of verbal abuse, threats and extortion which I will not dredge up again, but if you are reading this I think you saw what was posted about my family and myself. I was blackmailed and abused, threatened till I went to the police and finally a move out of Auckland was the safest for myself and the 2 year old I have custody of. I celebrated my birthday In Auckland with a party of 10 and Wing Wah restaurant. Some time after that I was stopped at a check point for a breath test which I passed. When the Police ran my name through the computer the bail conditions came up and they then decided that they could smell cannabis and searched my car. Bingo! I spent the night in a cell instead of letting off my fire works. Even more ridiculous was the search and 10 minute arrest of my daughter's Father . See my facebook competition page next week! At 2 am I was woken in my cell and taken to the interview room by a very junior Jarrod Hood of the traffic police to record my video comment , which was a short No Comment. Is it normal to wake people to do interviews when they have made it clear that they are not going to speak? Thanks Jarrod. The police also found 1800 in 100 bills in an ANZ envelope and seized it. I said that money is borrowed and for my lawyer as you know I am due in court on the next day. To no avail .A very stupid woman police officer was called and she insisted on making a mention of this to CYFs. I am a CYFs caregiver and have gained custody of my grandson through the court, off and out of CYFs care. I am a good parent. In my car at time time of the breath test was my 14 year old daughter and my 2 year old grandson. I think that the police lady must think that a bag of plant material puts children in danger. Um I was gobsmacked and thought this to be excessively heavy handed. I have even written to the Ministry of social development last year(2013) to ask the question under the Official Information Act : How many children of the 3869 children in state care were removed from their home due to cannabis? How many children children have been removed from parents due to cannabis and no other drug use? I am not a P manufacturer or user. I have no gang connections and I am a Cannabis activist and trying to Establish a Green Cross In Auckland. I have no other convictions and am not violent nor do I possess any weapons! I am not a roast buster or a drunk driver. I am a 49 year old Mother, Grandmother and drug and alcohol counsellor. What happened to GODZONE, when I was growing up, my elder brother and sister were uni students and we went to protests about social rights and human rights. I think we have gone backwards. things now are less free, jobs are less well paid and secure. I got new bail conditions to reside in Paeroa and have a curfew. I got a phone call from CYfs wanting to talk about cannabis and the 14 year old. I said she lives in Auckland with her Dad. Then after coming home from the library,(my new office), as I cannot go back to my former business, without breaching my bail. Togo to retrieve my printer and art and pack up my cafe I may be arrested.Twp people were lurking at the bottom of my drive way. I thought crap, who sent these people. They didn't immediately identify themselves but once I had ascertained that they were from CYFs acting as police puppets I got really angry and said ACT professionally. Would it be too difficult for your people to make an appointment? It is professional. Second why not look up my file and see what the circumstances actually are. I felt the menacing intent of hungry and desperate people going after nothing. I then drove down to the local CYFS office with my file, the court documents and the previous social workers report . I have not heard back from them. Not even to return or pick up my documents. But I don't expect much from that lot and am never disappointed. It goes on. The next day soon after 9pm a loud knocking at the door woke me. I looked out the window and saw a police car. Right, I forgot I am such a criminal alone at home in bed and in charge of A TWO YEAR OLD! Bail check. Of course a bail check! There are unsolved murder cases in this town, rapists and murders, child abusers and drunk drivers but I am deemed important enough to visit. Today the news came in the post that The New Zealand Police at the Auckland Harbour Bridge, had contacted the IRD on my behalf to deduct 1800 from inland revenue because I owe exactly the same amount. I owe Inland Revenue a whole lot more than that as i have a student loan of $7219.20. I can only assume that the police are once again overstepping the bounds of their authority. On contacting the IRD and sending them the withdrawal slip from the ANZ i was informed i can have this money returned. The IRD informed the Police actions were unlawful. I am stunned at the malice the Police are showing. I am not bitter about my situation but as Facebook friends, time to be a real friend and show your support for my efforts. I am asking everyone who has been to my cafe to consider how I helped you and now need your help back. I am really optimistic that you people are smart enough to realise the risk I took was for you and not me. It was to push law reform along in this country. If I had been making a profit from my cafe as the police allege I would not be asking you for this money. I have been locked out of my business and chance to earn which is also unlawful as I believe i am innocent till proven guilty.

We don't want to be criminals, We want to be patients.

Drugs! It is a word that has dark connotations for many if not all. Medicine as a word, equates with Health and have positive connotations as a whole. But drugs and medicine, are in many cases one and the same. What creates the different meaning of the word drug is when a drug is abused or misused. A person who is dependent on substances is labelled a drug addict or abuser but not a medicine addict! The language that surrounds the use of drugs in today's society, shapes the opinion of the people in it. About a decade ago I did a literature at Canterbury university on The Public health Message on Cannabis. I researched all articles that the Ministry of health produced and I then broadened my search to new paper articles and also medical journals and some magazines. The consistent message I obtained was there were very few articles. some were not made public. Some were not released and most were negative. There was no articles suggesting that cannabis had beneficial properties. In 1996 The state of California legalised cannabis for medical use under the supervision of a medical doctor and on obtaining a card stating your eligibility to purchase and use medicial marijuana. I went to see this system in action by visiting an amazing generous man called Doctor David Bearman. He is one of the founders of a local youth health services at the university in Santa Barbara called Isla Vista and is a crusader for better public health . I think he is a super star and was friends with the legend the late Jake Herer. Doctor Bearman cited the research of Tod Mikuraya another pioneer in prescribing cannabis for Vietnam war veterans. Cannabis was effective in reducing the reliance on alcohol. Many of the veterans returned with PTSD or shell shock and many self medicated with alcohol. excessive drinking by many soldiers had a damaging effect of their lives and health. Cannabis was a useful tool in reducing the amount the former soldiers drank. it is no secret that cannabis and other drugs are banned in the military but the drinking culture of the enlisted has been a problem. The drinking culture of the Army has resulted in a change. Less drinking is now the norm. Cannabis is a relaxant for many. It can even be a sedative and is very useful for sleep problems. People suffering from over use of amphetamines , speed , cocaine or P have all been treated successfully in reducing the withdrawal symptoms by using cannabis. The people I meet and talk to on a daily basis are in pain. They suffer from mental health issues like depression and anxiety. some are insomninac's who can't sleep. others are reducing their reliance on opioids as inevitably depence and misuse are a common factor in certain types of medication. If someone rolls a herbs and has a few puffs for their fibromyalgia should they be arrested or supported? If some eats a cannabis cookie to help them sleep through the night is that wrong/ If an adult chooses to use a cannabis derived oil for epilepsy is that wrong when it is far more effective than the prescribed meds and without half the side effects? When are people going to get a fair deal on medications from marijuana? Cannabis was a commonly used and available medicine from Chemists last century. It was available as a tincture and for coughs. No one has ever died from cannabis as there is no effective lethal dose known or recorded. But despite all the evidence and all the people in countries around the world New Zealand is in the last century with its stance on the medicinal herb.

I am not saying sorry.

We have been asking for permission to use cannabis in New Zealand for 40 years. Cannabis law reform groups began in the 1970's in New Zealand, and if measuring how far we have come, it may take a small measure rather than- we are light years ahead of that time. In 1996 California legalised the use of medical marijuana and has never looked back. To date about half of the States in America have medical marijuana and two States have fully legalised all cannabis use. I also feel there should be no distinction between recreational use and medical use because the plant is medical. It may seem like semantics over the word drug but I would agree with both the law makers and the police that we don't need more drugs on the street. As a drug and alcohol counsellor since 2005, I have seen no real change in policing or the drug use in New Zealand. Things seem pretty consistent. I moved to Auckland after the September, Christchurch earthquake (number one) and was horrified at the rate of P use. I certainly don't have the answer! Why I want cannabis legal in answer, to we don't need more drugs in society. But we do need safe and efficient effective and low cost medicines right? One of the most effective medicines in the treatment of drug addiction, surprisingly is cannabis. Cannabis is used by meth heads in America to help the come down. Cannabis was also suggested to clients at drug treatment agencies to be safer than the synthetic cannabis products which were legal but far more potent and mentally addictive than regular cannabis. I know of health workers around the country who had to say to clients you really are safer going back to regular cannabis than using the herbal highs. Thank goodness a group of concerned mothers around the country fought for them to banned. Cannabis works in quite unusual ways compared to many other drugs. The most outstanding thing about cannabis it there is no lethal dose. There are no deaths fully attributed to cannabis globally. It works to stop pain. The easiest way to describe pain is in the brain rather than at the site of the injury. Cannabis works by releasing the chemicals in the brain that both block the pain but really it is working in the brain almost to trick it. I believe that is why is can enliven a person or sedate a person. The different strains of cannabis also can have different effects on the body. The strain Charlottes web is used to make oil that controls seizures. It is for this reason that cannabis is effective as medicine for muscle spasms like MS and Parkinsons. I am now a fully fledged supporter of Green Cross, am running Auckland Green Cross and hoping to complete a scientific study with other members. A week ago my home and place of business was raided. The Auckland Office of green Cross was also raided and a sizeable amount of cannabis was taken. This was to be the first batch of Rick Simpson oil as I have been learning how to make and understand dosage and best use of the RS oil. Green Cross was donated almost enough to make the first batch and patients were waiting. Myself included. I have a long association with cannabis and after studying to become a teacher I then retrained to become a counsellor. I went from standing for the ALCP and supporting NORML, to only wanting to represent medical users. I also had some disappointment with the Daktory. But hats off to Dakta Green, Gizi and all Daktory folk for making it happen first. Sorry tinny houses! NORML endorsed medical Marijuana in 2011 so better late than never boys. I was able to gather most of my research for my Post Graduate study on Cannabis use in New Zealand and was planning to do my thesis on Cannabis Clubs in New Zealand. I would like to remember Stephen McIntyre for his role in opening the first medical club and Green Cross in New Zealand . Sadly I believe police intimidation and using synthetics, as part of his bail conditions caused him to take his own life. I won't be following him. Nor do I want any person to claim I am a roaring lion. I am anything but. I am a trudging mammoth, I am dragging with me the weight of a decade of denial of the efficacy of the plant. But I refuse to give up. The reason I am trailblazing a path seemingly alone and outside the law is because I have been asking for permission for since 1994. I have written to the many different Ministers of Health to allow the use of medical marijuana for myself. I have written on the behalf of others and many others have written to them over the years. We as medical users have taken part in writing submission to a health commissions and Health Select Committee Inquiries and the like for nearly 20 years. The original Green Cross founder Greg Soar wrote to the Hon Peter Dunne in 2002 and detailed the condition of a patient and member of green cross who was experiencing dreadful nausea as an effect of the HIV medications he was taking. I have it in writing that Peter Dunne called medical marijuana and the request for an exemption to allow its use "Garbage". Peter Dunne has held this position for 18 years I think. He is also the person who gave us herbal highs ! Go figure his ethics. There is no way around this, other than to go outside New Zealand for help and guidance and the knowledge I have obtained has allowed me to act in this way. I have had considerable experience and two trips to America to meet and work with doctors. While the police and the law make me a criminal I feel no shame in following what has already been common place in America and it is the commonly used herb in Asia.I know it is safe as it it used most often on children. I want to enjoy my life in a pain free manner. I have a crushed hip and pelvis from a horse riding injury and crippling pain in my feet, diagnosed as plantar fascitis but I suspect it is something else as it has worsened in the two years not resolved. The doctors have prescribed me coedine panadol orthotics, sleeping pills anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication as a result of this condition. I take none of it. I find it difficult to be less mobile than I would like. especially as I have a two year old in tow. But medicine I use and have used for over 30 years is cannabis. No one can convince me it is not right when i see the positive results all around me. I see people getting to sleep after a toke on a bong instead of using alcohol or prescription drugs. Combine alcohol with prescription drugs and there is a low fatal concoction. I am going to court to prove that I am innocent of any crime. Cannabis is a medicine. I am here to help.

The double standard still exists.

I had a really bizarre conversation with an older man the other day. It reminded me that the good old double standards of sexual politics are alive and well today.
I am happy with being single and even not being in a relationship. Due to life commitments celibacy has a become a fact of life.
However recently I came under enormous pressure to give in to this bloke, when it was the last thing on earth I wanted to do.
Even weirder was the conversation we had about sex these days when you are single and well over 40.

He said my wife was fast because she had about 20 lovers? But he added she had also been sexually abused by an uncle/father/brother/grandad.
Um, 20 doesn't seem that many . After all if we go to bars and occasionally engage in casual sex a couple of times a year it adds up after ten or twenty years.
How many girls have you been with then? I asked.
83, he said.
Unfucking believable. So ex-wife is slutty pants and you have slept with 4 times the number.

I decided to lead this conversation astray and when he said what about you, I said none of your business. Nice girls don't tell and gentlemen don't ask.
But since prostitution is legal and felt that he was doing the same thing, as in if I pay for dinner I have really brought you,... I went out on a limb and said I'm still working it out. but perhaps ten thousand men?

For money of course. I sell sex and worked out that if I had worked for the past 11 years that it has been legal and worked a 40 hour week and done about one man an hour my sum was 40 x 52 weeks equals 2080. Over eleven years that would be nearer 20, 000 blokes. Nothing wrong with that eh?

Of course he looked horrified but I just joked and said well sorry but I don't like your double standards. If you have slept with four times the number of people you have less morals than her, or what???

I am not a hooker, never have been,  I wasted my time on cannabis law reform instead of making money.

But I then had a bit of a flash of insight, does being sexually abused, raped or continually harassed for sex mean that you are labelled promiscuous when you are just unable to say no, as past experience has lead to violence?

The research suggests that many sex workers did experience sexual abuse as a child. Again does being violated damage your power or ability to say no?

Rape victims often feel some how responsible that a man raped them and they are pressured not to take him to court or worse send him to jail!
Many victims feel a sense of shame at being raped. Sometimes this is enough to stop them from reporting the rape to the police. Most people know that the process for investigating rape is as invasive if not more invasive than the actual rape itself.

Having sex with a really drunk girl seems to be ok, with many young men.
Telling a girl you will break up with her if she doesn't do it with you is coercive. so is saying another girl will take her place if she doesn't do it.

The Roast buster boys were not unique, just cocky youth with a sense of entitlement.
The men in the media and radio especially seem to belong in past decades with their inane comments about the girls and another prominent spokesperson making fun out of sexual harassment.

 He has daughters I wonder will he set them up for abuse with his stupid comments or be a man and help protect them.

If you are a man and think New Zealand does not have a rape culture, talk to any man who played team sport in the 80's and what went on.
And if you still don't get it, ask a women you know well if she has even being raped or was pressured into sex she didn't want.

That is, if you can handle it.

My life has had some truly disastrous relationships.

This is not made up and to those who things"did not work out " it was me not you.

I am single at 48 and I think I will be single for a while yet.

It is true I have lost faith in relationships and hope of finding the right one.

I guess the reality and certainty of this hit me on the morning of  September 2010 at 4.35 am when i thought my house was being assaulted by a train and shaken by a giant. It was the first Canterbury earthquake. I was alone with my children , scared and afraid. I didn't have a partner or lover who cared enough to call and I felt for the first time in my life truly unloved. It was time to hug ya self and move on . I couldn't go back to bed, I couldn't sleep and yet I was in slight shock . I made muffins at 5 am as I didn't know how to calm down and relax or stop shaking.

My previous relationship was suddenly ended, in 2008, when I returned from a school-shoe shopping trip on a Sunday afternoon and my live-in boyfriend had disappeared. I mean really disappeared. I waited for a call from him to say he was ok. but it never came. I have not heard from him since. I was so worried and anxious at work that I called the police and asked what do you do, when you  don't know. Has he hurt himself? "Unlikely", the Police officer said.

With greater caution I decided to wait a while before going trough the pain of rejection or loss.

I'm still waiting.

My most recent relationship of sorts was with a very pleasant gentleman from the South Island who I meet in Fiji. It started of with a boozy session and a tropical island and it continued with visits to Auckland and occasional visits South. it sort of ended badly with an argument about cannabis vs alcohol after too much of both.

Why is it that the kiwi male needs to drink so much?
Ok not all, but the fun chaps, who are single, do seem to consume way more alcohol than I want to.

And of course, block your ears  or eyes if you are sqeamish, but at a certain age women and men respond differently to sex than we did in our 20's. Some men seem to want, to never grow any older, (or learn anything new) and tend to resort to little blue pills. So in effect the woody is not just for young men.

It is true though, I did invite a nice fella over, builder, strong and capable all that, and again, too much booze and performance anxiety. Now I want to give up!

I have also being quite aware that there is a P problem in this country and in Particular all the places that start with P, Panmure, Papakura , Ponsonby, Pakaranga etc,  you can find P for sale. This may be urban rumour cos I have also been told it's on the North Shore and out West. I am just pretty mindful that most people will not reveal this sort of thing to you right away. And am watching out .

I have been listening to a play on the radio about some pretty loose relationships, a young women bonking two friends and one is married. I could not be that type of person. sex is not sport but I guess, and am realising it's not love either.

But the thing is, having regular sex with a person can lead to falling in love, even if you don't want to.

I got married, in 1986, my Mother-in-law reckons I was an hour late. I don't think so , but it is true I did not want to get married that day. I was 20. I had a beautiful wedding and my groom had already been married before. I tried to reason with him during the honeymoon that this was not for me , but he told me it was nerves and we would be fine. I did truly love him and the marriage lasted some years and we had a daughter.


It was like wild horse , wearing a heavy bit, and being riden by a very hard rider.
We moved 14 times in seven years, and lived in three countries and in the USA four different States. I was so homesick.

 My boyfriend before this had a IV drug habit and rooted a friend at my first flat warming party, or so i was told.

Another  incredibly unique man used to tell me to settle down
Ha, that's is the worse , I mean the very worst thing he could say to me.
I won't bow down and I don't settle.

I am unsettled by nature I guess.
To settle , to me, means accepting a lesser version of the desire or dream. It means to accept and not to strive.

It rubs me.

I entered another relationship and that was violent. There were fights and drinking and I ran away , again after a number of years. I damaged myself and my daughter by staying. I should have quit the relationship at the first threatening behaviour.

I have been sexually assaulted twice.
Police, not helpful.
Worst betrayal by a female friend ever who said the guy was rapey, after the date, while she baby sat for me. Did she warn me??? NO.
 Did she offer to drive me to the police? NO!
Is she a friend ? NO.

Now I am very careful.

There are some wonderful men out there. I know, they are called husbands and they are the ones who don't have addiction issues. They don't lie or not work. They take the responsibility of having a wife and family and care for them and make them safe.

They are taken and they are valued.

I am no longer really looking for a soul mate, lover, or life partner. I am very busy and am raising a little boy about what it means to be a good man.
That is very fulfilling and without a relationship at this time I am free to be with where and with who ever I want.
I don't have any time for this as I have a very busy life, but this is what I tell myself daily.

I am surrounded by men at work .
I did consider a women , briefly but I am not sure that is for me.
I say love is love and meeting my next companion could be years away or tomorrow.

but I am not unhappy.
 But reflecting on the bad moments clouds the good times. The good and great times are why, I know i will Love Again.